Supervisor’s Tip of the Week: Authentic Relationships or Stop Managing and Start Consulting

by | Nov 21, 2004 | Uncategorized

I mentioned in last week’s tip of the week how much I admired Peter Block (I was glad to see that Slacker Manager agrees with my assessment of Block). I’ve read most of Block’s books, including the most recent The Answer to How is Yes (which while less practical than his other titles, is probably his most important book). If you ever get the chance, attend a conference where he’s speaking – he’s got a very unique perspective on life that really comes through in his presentations (especially smaller-group breakout sessions). I strongly urge new supervisors and managers to pick up Peter’s book Flawless Consulting. I consider it a must-read. This may seem like a strange recommendation; “I’m a supervisor, what the heck do I need to know about being a consultant?” The reason can be found in Block’s definition of consulting (I’m paraphrasing here – I’m out of town and don’t have my library at hand): Anyone involved in a project who is not physically completing the end result is a consultant. Put another way, if you’re not doing the work but have some responsibility for helping complete it, you are consulting (in this broad view consultant is somewhat synonymous with facilitator – a title often used for supervisors in organizations today). Virtually everyone but entry level laborers (and in some organizations even these persons) is, at some time or another, a consultant. In most companies today if you are a supervisor or a manager you spend the vast majority, if not all of your time, consulting. So now that you understand that you are a consultant for at least part of your day, what does Block have to say about how to do this well? He has a number of really great, practical tools in his book. Unlike The Answer to How is Yes, Flawless Consulting may be the most practical book on management I’ve read. It is absolutely chock full of not just great ideas, but lots of checklists and sample tools and exercises. Probably the best advice he gives for consultants (other than perhaps his emphasis on the vital role of “contracting” at the beginning of the consulting relationship – more on that in a future post), something that I have found very valuable in my own consulting practice and personal life is Peter’s advice to strive for what he calls “authentic” relationships. An authentic relationship is one where the “thinking-saying” gaps are minimal or (virtually) non-existent. For most of us, very few of our relationships are authentic in this sense. The ones that are typically are our most cherished. The tie-in between authentic relationships and good management may not be obvious at first: “Look, my job is not to be everyone’s best friend – it is to get widgets out the door. If I spend all my time playing footsie with everyone in my department I’ll never get a darn thing done around here.” Sound familiar? This view of the world confuses authenticity with friendliness. Many times being authentic is not very friendly – in my experience it is often perceived as being downright disagreeable. Being authentic means questioning why things are the way they are; letting people know directly when they are not living up to their commitments; clarifying expectations; confronting behaviors that are counterproductive; saying what everyone expects to remain unspoken. Being authentic is not meant to be mean or to embarrass, but in a world where most corporate cultures reward saying yes, not rocking the boat and keeping your head down, it is a behavior with which many people are uncomfortable. If people don’t like it, then why is being authentic such a great behavior? Because from authentic relationships spring realistic expectations, actual commitment, and supporting behaviors. It confronts and therefore eliminates many of the negative, back-biting and undermining behaviors so common in organizations. Most important, it affirms and celebrates that unique individual talent that is all yours, while creating a space where it is OK for others to let their unique talents shine as well. That place is one where people can really excel and do their best work. So stop managing and start consulting!

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